Several months ago, I started a series of blog posts entitled “From There to Here.” (The series has since ceased. I’ve moved onto other topics.) The responses to it were interesting. Some people applauded it and thanked me for the reminder that their own all too circuitous paths had a purpose to them. Others saw it and were concerned. They thought that mentioning missteps, failures, and challenges could make people leery about working with me. They suggested I not share the struggles inherent in being a writer and artist.
I pondered the second reply, mostly because I felt defensive. I wondered if the reaction pointed to a problem with how I presented the writing life. Perhaps I should more carefully guard what I say.
After all the pondering, I came to several conclusions. One, I am relatively cautious with what I say and share publicly. I don’t use this site to complain and moan. It’s in poor taste, and it does keep people from wanting to work with me.
Two, I have no desire to whitewash what it means to lead a life of words and art. Being a writer and artist is hard. Why ignore the perils and realities? That doesn’t help anyone or keep them company when the walls cave in and the bottom falls out.
Three, I need to recognize my failures and weaknesses, maybe more so because I am a perfectionist. Acknowledging who I really am keeps me humble and open to whatever God has in store, and that’s what is becoming more and more important to me. I want a life of God-confidence, not self-confidence.
Four, the struggles are a part of the journey. It’s the process, and I’m obsessed with process. The end is incomplete without it. It would be like flipping to the final pages of a book to read the conclusion without any consideration for how the story started or what it took to get through the ugly middle and to the ending.
Five, as a believing artist I am called to speak truth and grace, dark and light. It’s what Francis Schaeffer calls the minor and major chords. Minor chords are pessimistic and, oh, so dark. The major ones are that God is here, He is good, and He will be glorified.
Going to the dark places isn’t wrong; what’s wrong is not admitting them or only speaking of them without acknowledging the light. I am to speak all of life, and life is a mixture of dark and light, good and bad. I go to the dark places because I have Someone who is with me in them. He helps me to expose them for what they are. He allows my writing to show that is possible to be in a dark place and still be steady and secure because one has an anchor, a light, to hold onto. While it’s possible to get lost in those dark places—and I have, I have—I know I’m not alone. The light is there if I will but turn to it, stir it into flame, a column of fire.
That is why I will declare my weaknesses: because then I am strong, then I am aware of mercy and grace and light and life. I see the gifts entrusted to me and am grateful for them. I work on them, despite the failures and difficulties, because I want to be a good steward. I desire to glorify the One who made me, saved me, and gave the gifts to me. I am completely inadequate, but that is alright. God makes me adequate. He is my confidence, and He will give me the strength I need for this day, this minute, this second. That is more than enough. No, He is.