Every once in a while—okay, maybe most of the time—I’m thrust into situations where I don’t know what to do. What is the right course of action? What honors God most?
I have no clear-cut answer. Everything fades into several blurry shades of gray. What do I do? What do I do?
I don’t have the luxury of not making a decision. I have to do something, if not in the next few minutes, by the end of the day. So it goes in the life of an entrepreneur: decisions, decisions. Always, decisions.
I don’t have a large margin for error, either, since I’m only a few months old. Oh, I have experience working on my own, and I even have some hard-learned lessons from freelancing several years ago, but that doesn’t mean I get a whole lot of padding when it comes to mistakes. Mistakes are costly, sometimes deadly.
What do I do? Hello, God? Could you give me a neon sign today, possibly maybe?
Sigh. No neon sign or flashing lights. I try to be still, calm my storming thoughts that whirl and whirl, listen for God’s voice amidst the tornado of uncertainty and what if and what do I do.
A respite. An idea of the move to make. Is it the right one? I’m not sure. I’m equally unsure if my hesitance is about the action or my human nature that so desperately wants to please, be approved of. I’m a fighter, but I don’t necessarily like having to be tough with people. Again, the life of entrepreneur. I have no choice but to be tough at times. Not mean or rude or condescending, but tough. A sticking to principles, processes, prices even when I quake in fear about doing so. Persevering anyway. Persisting.
And praying. A lot of praying. I make the decision, enact it. I’m still not sure I’m doing the honorable thing, the thing that is right and true and just, but I act. I ask God for grace. I hope the people I’m interacting with will be gracious, too, because, some days, I don’t know if I’ve done the honorable thing. I only think I’ve done my best to honor God and serve others. Maybe that’s enough. May it be enough.
Image: Susanne Nilsson (Creative Commons)