Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
But desire fulfilled is a tree of life.
Proverbs 13:12 (NASB)
I started my Kickstarter with the hope it would succeed. I worked in the belief it would be funded. Several days passed with nary a financial backer, and doubt creeped close. Maybe the journal was too “Write Right.” Maybe the rewards weren’t good enough. Maybe there wasn’t a market for an Emergency Hope Kit.
I battled the doubt; as I told one person, I generally don’t quit without a valid reason or an order from what I termed a “commanding officer.” I considered my work as objectively as possible, too, but I didn’t see any way to create a hope kit without using Write Right. Without her, the kit would just be a generic journal. I would have had the other custom illustrations, but Write Right adds a quality that pudgy birds, paper airplanes, and sailboats don’t and can’t.
I also examined the motivation behind the work. I set out to create a tool that would encourage writers and artists. Did I lose my aim in self-ambition? More importantly, would I seek other ways to help writers and artists if the kit failed?
My answer to the second question was a resounding “yes.” I left the answer to the first with God. The heart is a hopelessly muddled and deceitful thing. I’m sure self-ambition did play a part at some point. I wouldn’t put my work out there if I didn’t want it to achieve something. I knew I wouldn’t be able to make heads or tails of my heart, so I asked God to take control and to make the work succeed if it were something that would bring Him glory and benefit others.
Motivation wasn’t the only question I faced; I also pondered how I would respond if my Kickstarter failed. Would I still trust God? Would I move forward with what He’s called me to do in spite of the disappointment and discouragement? Would I respond appropriately, correctly?
I hope I would, but I won’t get to find out. The Kickstarter has succeeded. I still can’t comprehend that. It’s entirely humbling, and all I can do is say “thank you” and get to work on getting these kits out into the world.
Image: Steven Depolo (Creative Commons)