“In the wilderness we’re plunged into an awareness of danger and death; at the very same moment we’re plunged, if we let ourselves be, into an awareness of the great mystery of God and the extraordinary preciousness of life.” —Eugene Peterson, Leap Over a Wall
Writing slumps aren’t uncommon, but they are unsettling. When I encounter one, I find myself all out of sorts. The words that usually well up within me dry to a trickle. I capture each and every drop. I need them if I am to make it through the slump, or, to use Peterson’s term, a wilderness.
This wilderness is a dangerous, frightening place. I am brought face to face with my doubts and fears. They circle the campfire in the night. I see their eyes peering through the dark. I huddle closer to the fire and pray for morning’s light.
I am also brought to the edge of myself. I stand on the precipice and wonder what I’m doing here. How did I get here? Why? I wish to be back in my comfortable home with its comfortable rooms and comfortable chairs. I want the words that come easily. I don’t want this wasteland that trips me and requires scrambling from one handhold to the next.
This place, though, is exactly where I’m supposed to be. I need to face my doubts and fears. I need to come to the end of myself. It is here that I am “plunged, if I let myself be,” into the truth of who I am and what I need. I learn that my identity is not found in being a writer, an artist, a poet, an editor. Those things are gifts given to me. They have been entrusted to me. I am to be responsible with them, in both the times of abundance and leanness.
My identity rests in the God who is with me in this wilderness. I become aware of Him in a way that I never would when the words come easily and my soul doesn’t struggle. I understand that He guards me in the night and the day. He stands with me on the precipice and asks me to trust and worship Him. He gives me a word. It settles deep within me. He gives me another. It is more than enough. Manna. I begin the long journey forward, down—wherever He leads—again.
Image: Miguel Vieira (Creative Commons)